I'm about to admit something that could leave me forever branded with the nickname of Halloween Scrooge. But I need to get this burden off my shoulders. I can take a little heckling.
I hate Halloween. That's right, I do! You want to know why? Let me tell you.
1- I can't stand dressing up. I'm terrible at thinking up good ideas, and even more terrible at mustering up the time to get a costume. If I could get away with it, I would just wear my pajamas and back-up glasses every year. "Sleepy Melissa." That's what I'd call it.
2- Also, costumes are uncomfortable. Ever try being a cowgirl for three years in a row? I was one from 6-9. And you know what? The velcro on my fringed skirt just got tighter and tighter. So did my faux-white leather cowgirl boots.
3-I guess I always trick or treated in the wrong neighborhoods but I always got an abundance of salt-water taffy and scary looking off-brand tootise rolls. It wasn't until I moved to Alpine that they give king-size candy bars away, and then you only have to hit one or two houses. So dressing up at that point is kind of lame. One year I put a blanket over my head and my sisters lead me to the front door.
4-Scary things are not funny to me. If one kid comes to my door dressed like the Joker, no candy for him. I'm serious.
5-Cutesy things are not cute to me. If I see one more dorky Halloween craft, or friendly looking witch saying something like "Bone appetit!" I will die.
6-On that note, I put one single Halloween decoration up this year. It is a realistic, rather severe looking life-size witch. And it scares Chris and I every time we walk past it. That is the perfect amount of scare. Just perfect.
7- Has anyone else noticed that it's always FREEZING? I used to secretly dread the actual trick or treating because I was so cold. I merely pretended to be excited in order to fill my pillow
case with candy that probably cost a total of 4.50+tax.
8-Last year, Chris and I took my little brother and sister trick or treating. We approached a highly-decorated house with tons of pop-out skeletons, fog machines, and haunted music. My little sister barely got past the curb before retreating. "I don't think they were thinking of kids when they did that!" she said with passion. I know how she feels. Halloween in all its entirety did not think of people like me.
Forgive me, pagan gods. I couldn't hold back any longer.
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